Christmas is supposed to be the happiest time of the year.
But sometimes it doesn't feel quite that simple.
When someone you love is no longer here, Christmas can have a way of making their absence feel just that little bit bigger.
There's an empty chair at the table.
A name missing from the Christmas cards.
A present you don't need to buy this year.
A tradition that suddenly feels different because the person who always did it isn't there.
And amongst all the celebration, you can find yourself desperately missing someone.
I think it's important to say that remembering someone at Christmas doesn't have to make Christmas sad.
It can simply be another way of including them.
Over the years, I've been trusted to create many personalised memorial Christmas decorations, and they've taught me something rather lovely:
Sometimes the smallest traditions can help someone we miss remain part of Christmas.
So I've put together some gentle ideas for remembering someone special during the festive season.
Give them a place on the Christmas tree
One of the simplest ways to remember someone is with a special Christmas decoration.
It might have their name.
A photograph.
A significant date.
Angel wings.
A feather.
A heart.
Or simply a few words that mean something to you.
It doesn't need to announce itself as a memorial decoration.
Sometimes just seeing their name amongst all the other family decorations is enough.
Because the Christmas tree is often where we display our family's history anyway.
Why shouldn't the people we miss still have a place there?
A personalised memorial bauble 🤍
These are some of the most meaningful baubles I make.
When an order comes through for a memorial decoration, I know I'm being trusted with something important.
To me, it might appear on an order sheet as a name and some wording.
But behind that name is a person.
Someone's mum.
Dad.
Husband.
Wife.
Partner.
Grandparent.
Child.
Friend.
Or perhaps a much-loved family pet.
I don't know the whole story.
I don't need to.
I just know that somebody mattered enough to still have a place on the Christmas tree.
And I think that's incredibly special.
What should you write on a memorial bauble?
This is something people understandably struggle with.
How do you sum up somebody you love in a few words?
The answer is:
You don't have to.
A Christmas bauble is small. It isn't supposed to tell their entire story.
Sometimes their name is enough.
You might choose something like:
Dad
Forever in Our Hearts
or:
Mum
Christmas in Heaven
Other ideas include:
Always Loved, Never Forgotten
Forever Part of Our Christmas
Those We Love Are Never Far Away
Remembered With Love at Christmas
Our Christmas Angel
Always in Our Hearts
Or simply:
Dad 🤍
Don't feel you need to find an elaborate quotation.
The most meaningful words are often the simplest.
Use their favourite colour
A memorial decoration doesn't have to be white, silver or traditionally sombre.
If Mum adored bright pink...
choose bright pink.
If Dad supported a football team and everything he owned seemed to be in their colours, use those.
If Grandma loved purple, choose purple.
If somebody was known for wearing red, make the bauble red.
Colour can trigger incredibly strong memories.
And a remembrance decoration should represent the person, not what we think a memorial decoration is supposed to look like.
I actually love seeing memorial baubles ordered in bright colours.
They feel like a celebration of someone's personality.
Hang a photograph on the tree 📷
Photographs have an extraordinary ability to take us straight back to a moment.
You could choose a favourite photograph and turn it into a Christmas decoration.
It doesn't have to be formal.
In fact, sometimes the less formal photographs are the best ones.
Dad laughing.
Nan holding a glass of something at Christmas.
Grandad asleep in his chair after lunch.
Mum wearing the ridiculous Christmas hat she claimed she wasn't going to wear.
Those photographs contain the person you remember.
And hanging one on the tree can make them feel part of the room again.
Light a candle for them 🕯️
This is such a simple tradition.
Choose a candle and light it on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day in memory of somebody who isn't there.
You could place it beside a photograph or simply have it somewhere in the room.
If children are involved, you can explain:
“We're lighting this for Grandad because he's still part of our Christmas.”
It doesn't need to become a big, emotional ceremony unless you want it to.
It can simply be a quiet moment of remembrance.
Of course, always keep real flames safely away from Christmas trees, decorations, children and pets. A battery-operated candle can work beautifully too.
Put their favourite decoration on the tree
Sometimes you don't need to buy anything new at all.
Perhaps there's already a Christmas decoration that belonged to them.
Maybe it hung on their tree for years.
Perhaps they bought it for you.
Or maybe it's something they made.
Give it pride of place.
There's something incredibly special about objects that somebody actually held, chose or loved themselves.
A decoration doesn't need to have their name written on it to become their decoration.
Families just know.
Continue one of their traditions
Who always made the Christmas pudding?
Who insisted the tree couldn't go up before a certain date?
Who bought everyone a chocolate orange?
Who carved the turkey?
Who chose the Christmas film?
Who always wore the terrible jumper?
Who made a particular recipe every Christmas Eve?
Continuing one of their traditions can be a lovely way of remembering them.
You could even tell younger family members:
“We do this because Nan always did.”
That's how family traditions survive.
And it's how stories get passed down to people who perhaps never even had the chance to meet the person who started them.
Cook something they loved
Food and memory are incredibly closely connected.
A smell or taste can transport you back years.
So make their favourite Christmas food.
Bake the cake they always made.
Buy the chocolates they loved.
Serve the drink they always had.
Even if nobody else particularly likes it.
Actually, especially if nobody else particularly likes it. 😂
There's something wonderfully affectionate about saying:
“Dad always had these at Christmas, so we're having them.”
Make a memory decoration with children
If children are grieving somebody, creating something can sometimes be an easier way to remember them than having a big conversation.
They could make a paper decoration.
Paint a wooden heart.
Choose a photograph.
Write the person's name.
Add a little message.
Or draw something that reminds them of that person.
It doesn't need to look perfect.
It just needs to belong to them.
And if it comes out every Christmas afterwards, it becomes another little family tradition.
Create a remembrance corner
If putting something on the Christmas tree doesn't feel right, you could create a small area elsewhere.
Perhaps:
A photograph.
A candle.
A little Christmas decoration.
Some flowers.
A card.
Something that belonged to them.
It doesn't need to dominate the room.
It's simply a quiet acknowledgement that somebody is missing and remembered.
Add their name to a family ornament
This is a very personal choice, but some families prefer to continue including a loved one's name on family Christmas decorations.
Others don't.
Both are completely okay.
There are no rules about how somebody should be remembered.
If seeing their name alongside everyone else's feels comforting, include it.
If it makes Christmas harder, don't.
Memorial traditions should bring comfort – not create an obligation.
Remembering pets at Christmas 🐾
The loss of a pet can leave an enormous hole in a family.
They were there for Christmas morning.
They investigated the presents.
They climbed into the boxes.
They stole wrapping paper.
They sat under the tree.
Or, if you have cats, occasionally attempted to become part of the tree itself.
When they're gone, their absence can be incredibly noticeable.
A personalised pet memorial decoration, paw-print ornament or photograph can give them a little place on the tree.
Because they were family too.
Make a donation in their memory
Another lovely idea is to do something good in their name.
Perhaps they supported a particular charity.
Loved animals.
Cared about a local cause.
Had experience of a particular illness.
You could make a Christmas donation in their memory.
Or buy something from a charity shop.
Donate food.
Give a toy to a Christmas appeal.
Help somebody else.
It can turn remembrance into something positive.
And you might decide to repeat it every Christmas.
Write down a Christmas memory
This costs nothing and could eventually become priceless.
Ask everybody in the family to write down one Christmas memory involving the person you're remembering.
It might be touching.
It might be completely ridiculous.
In fact, I hope some of them are ridiculous.
Put them into a box or jar.
Then read some together.
Over the years, you can add more.
This is particularly lovely for younger members of the family who may not remember the person as clearly.
The stories keep them alive in family history.
Say their name
Sometimes we worry about mentioning somebody who has died because we don't want to upset anyone.
But often, everybody is already thinking about them anyway.
You don't have to avoid their name.
Talk about them.
Tell the funny story.
Remember the Christmas they burned the turkey.
Laugh about the terrible present they once bought.
Mention the thing they always said.
Remembering someone doesn't always have to involve tears.
Sometimes the loveliest form of remembrance is laughter.
Your first Christmas without someone
The first Christmas after losing someone can feel particularly difficult.
Everything is familiar, but everything is different.
If that's where you are this year, please don't feel pressured to recreate Christmas exactly as it always was.
Traditions can change.
You can skip something.
Start something new.
Go somewhere different.
Keep things quiet.
Celebrate loudly.
Put up the decorations.
Don't put them up.
There isn't a correct way to do Christmas after loss.
Do whatever feels right for you and your family.
A memorial decoration doesn't have to be sad
This is something I feel quite strongly about.
A remembrance bauble can be beautiful.
Colourful.
Sparkly.
Warm.
Funny, even.
If the person you're remembering would have hated anything sombre, don't suddenly give them a sombre Christmas decoration!
Celebrate who they actually were.
Perhaps there's a phrase they always used.
An in-joke.
A nickname.
Something that would make everyone smile when they saw it.
Memorials don't only have to represent loss.
They can represent life.
The decorations that become most precious
Every Christmas, we hang decorations on our trees that represent different chapters of our lives.
Baby's First Christmas.
Our First Christmas Together.
Our First Home.
Our Wedding.
Family Christmas.
And eventually, inevitably, some of those people won't be with us anymore.
But the decorations remain.
That's part of what makes Christmas ornaments so extraordinary.
They quietly carry our history.
The happy bits.
The funny bits.
The difficult bits.
And the people who helped create all of it.
Still part of Christmas 🤍
I can't make grief disappear with a bauble.
And I would never pretend that I could.
But I can carefully put somebody's name onto something beautiful.
I can add the colour they loved.
A feather.
A heart.
Angel wings.
A photograph.
A date.
A few words.
Then I can package it carefully and send it to the family who knows exactly what that name means.
And perhaps every December, when the Christmas decorations come out, that little ornament will come out too.
Not to make Christmas sad.
But simply to say:
You were here.
You were loved.
You are remembered.
And you're still part of our Christmas.
I think that's one of the greatest privileges of making personalised keepsakes.
Georgina x 🤍🎄